|
NFL
Punt, Pass & Piss Contest
(Fire
up those urinals!)
|
Fill 'er Up.
|
Players
are given 2 minutes to pass a drug test. If you're lucky
enough to produce a sample that doesn't glow in the dark,
you'll might actually get to play some football. (Fat
chance of that happening)
If you're lucky enough to pass your doping test, make
sure to see the Doctor... He can hook you up with some
effective, Under-The-Counter medication that will totally-
Uh... Ward off those nasty colds.
|
|
|
Ladies
and Gentleman... Meet Your Viruses!
(You're
advised not to shake their hands)
|
"I'll stab that smile
right off your face!"
|
Virus
#32: O.J. Simpson
I
have nothing but disrespect for the justice system (Bribes
accepted)... But O.J. Simpson was somehow acquitted of killing
his wife...
It's highly unlikely that O.J. Simpson will take another stab
at pro football. Makes you wonder though... If O.J. Simpson
didn't slash apart his wife and her boyfriend, who the hell
did?
|
"Kiss
my bare ass!"
|
Virus
#84: Randy Moss
Got fined after pretending to moon the crowd after a touchdown....
Will drop his pants for food and $30 million US. |
"Go
fuck yourself, coach"
|
Virus
#81: Terell Owens
One of the most disrespectful players in the league... "T.O."
has a man's body with the selfish mind of a three year old...
Has a gigantic mansion which is dwarfed only by the size of
his ego. (Even his own teammates think he's a prick) |
"Nope.
I've had nothing to think, ossifer"
|
Virus
#18: Koren Robinson...
Always seems to look happy, even in a police mugshot... You'd
be happy too if you were wasted most of the time. |
|
Wait,
There's More...
(Score
50 points if you're reading this from work or school)
|
(DISCLAIMER:
John Madden did not actually write this book.)
|
A surprising
fact about John Madden is that the dude allegedly spent a
whole minute writing a book... Although you can't judge a
book by its' cover, there are a few points of interest on
the cover alone:
1. Fake Super Bowl Ring. John
Madden won a superbowl as the coach of the Raiders, but accidentally
lost his Super Bowl XI ring in Toilet Bowl XIII. (The fake
ring cost him $2.50. plus tax)
2. This is a combover. If you
didn't notice, do not pass GO, and do NOT COLLECT $2 BILLION.
3. Is this a frickin typewriter?
Apparently, John Madden is old enough to actually remember
what one of those things is...
|
|
Testimonials
(More
reasons not to buy this game)
|
|
It's GOOD!
Wouldn't you love to get inside her endzone and score
a touchdown?
|
 "The
player graphics are lousy, but the cheerleaders in Dr.
Football are drop-dead gorgeous!"
-Local Gamer / Pervert
"This game is crap... You said there'd be free popcorn,
man"
-Anonymous Hippie
"The game disc makes a great coaster for my beer when
I sit down to watch confiscated pornography"
-Local Cop
|
That's a fucking ripoff...
I could get a large pizza for half that price.
|
For
only $1.3 Million (plus taxes), you can take home your very
own copy of Dr. Football!
(Note: Dr. Football will be obsolete within
one year, coinciding with the release of Dr. Football
2008)
Act now, and Video GameBox systems will send you a free used
T-shirt!
(Some assembly required. Laundry detergent not included.) |
One
of the best-selling sports games of all time is the John Madden
Football series... Following in the footsteps of this successful
series is a much more controversial title called Dr.
Football...
The
insane folks at Video GameBox systems have gone totally out
of bounds while developing Dr. Football...