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Island
of Rejected Toys
Recalled Children's Christmas Gifts
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 Nuclear
Warhead
This is NOT a toy. These destructive devices were delivered
to a Chinese toy factory by mistake, and could be in
your country right now. If you've seen one at your local
Wal-Mart, get the hell out of town!
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G.I.
Jenna Bush
Unlike Prince Harry, the President's daughter isn't too
good to go to war... But be warned, Jenna Bush's
metallic army-issue bikini contains lead paint,
which means that boys can become poisoned if they lick
her breasts or private parts. The whole family is sure
to have a good laugh on the way to the emergency room,
poking fun at little Timmy who nearly dies of embarrassment. |
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My
Little Porn Star
Every little girl loves horses... But unless you want
your daughter to start turning tricks to supplement
to her allowance, don't buy her this little pony playset.
Savanna
Starlight & Moonshine Mandy are more
than one-trick ponies. They'll give a cowboy the ride
of his life, and swallow entire carrots until the cows
come home. They also fuck pretty good too.
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Baby's
First Table Saw
This is probably what Britney Spears got her kids for
Christmas. In case you hadn't noticed, there are several
safety concerns with a children's table saw. Namely, the
thing can take a kid's head clean off. Perhaps "clean"
is a poor choice of words, because it takes several hours
to finish mopping up the blood. |
Contaminated
Origami Kit
The paper included with this fun family craft was accidentally
exposed to radiation... Any paper animals you create will
come alive at night and kill your family. |
Poison
Pokémon.
Everyone loves to shake, smell and lick their present
boxes to guess what's inside. But if this popular gift
is already under your Christmas tree, don't even bother
getting up on Christmas morning - Your kids have already
inhaled enough toxic gas to kill Michael Moore. Might
as well stay in bed and make new ones. |
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